Kind of ashamed of the reason why I made a first jump ... cause it was the worst possible reason to make a jump ... a dare ... and a bet.

A late night conversation here at work turned to sports. Somehow the subject of skydiving was mentioned, along with golf, bowling and a few others. In my ignorance I made the observation that golf was probably the hardest sport, with possibly tennis coming in second. "After all," I innocently commented ... "what's to skydiving? You jump, you fall, you pull a string, and then you float down to earth. Whatever is so hard about that?"

Oh, dear. Two of the three people conversing with me were former military, and one was former Airborne.

Well, one word led to another ... and another and another. Money came out of wallets and bets were placed.

Next thing I knew ... rita was gonna do a skydive ... or she was gonna be poorer for the lack thereof ... quite a bit poorer. What can I say? Daddy always told me that it was my mouth that would always get me into trouble. :(

Never did any research whatsoever. I remembered seeing a small

classified ad for a "skydiving place" in the back of a weekly newspaper we always have laying around here at work. How the hell was I supposed to know that skydiving was a "business" and that there were several places one could choose from to make a first jump. Of course, a person with more sense would have checked the Yellow Pages. I never even thought of it. I honestly didn't believe one had a choice in matters such as these.

In the morning I called the place and talked to a very nice woman on the phone. Turns out I was too fat to do a static line jump, and would have to go tandem. Of course, as my luck would have it, I called the only place in the country using rounds to put first jumpers out on, and for this reason they had very, very stringent weight requirements.

Such was okay by my friends, though. After all, they didn't want to see me injured. Humbled would be good enough for them.

Well, it took a good month to actually make the jump. Two dates were aborted due to weather. Terrible as it may sound ... I honestly had no concerns about this jump at all. It seemed a very routine affair ... almost a bother. I didn't expect to have the slightest difficulty whatsoever with it. What an ass I can be sometimes.

Finally the big day arrives. I had almost forgotten about it. Luckily a friend from work reminds me during the graveyard shift the night before. "You're going a skydivin' today, right?" Oops! Shit!

My folks are absolutely petrified. Having no intentions of allowing me to journey to the "skydiving place" with friends from work, my father insisted on taking me. Mom wants to come along too. "Someone's got to be there to claim the body," dad innocently offered in explanation for his participation in this affair.

Little did I know that both of my parents ... in their late 70s at this point ... were absolutely petrified for my safety. They only went along with this "latest hair brained scheme" of mine because they figured it would be a one-shot affair ... "just a passing phase," in my mother's words. Little did they know. Little did I know, in fact. I honestly had no intentions, or interests, in pursuing this on a regular basis.

We pile into the car and with a virtual caravan in tow we head out to the "skydiving place." We ride and we ride and we ride. "Jesus Christ!" exclaims my father. "We are we going? God's country." Of course, as luck would have it, I picked the drop zone the farthest from my house ... all the way the hell out in central New Jersey. Never knew I had another option ... Cross Keys ... practically in my

backyard. Dad would almost kill me a year later when he found out.

Finally, after passing chicken farms and horse pastures and grazing cows, we arrive at the place. I couldn't believe it! "This can't be the place! Impossible!" Here I was expecting a modern airport. What I got was a falling down shack out in the country. "Where the hell do the airplanes take off from?" I'm wondering. "Unless they routinely level the houses in back, I can't imagine they take off from here ... let alone land."

"Still think this is such a hot idea?" queried my father. Now I wasn't so sure. Mom has her rosary beads out by this point. I'm trying to remember how the "Our Father" goes. My friends have pulled into the drive and I can hear their comments of surprise as well. I'm rapidly filling with dread. This must be some fly-by-night operation I've stumbled upon here.

My father is feeling sorry for me by this point, and he's getting downright worried about mom. She's starting to speak in them there "tongues."

"You know," dad gently informed me ... "You have only to say the word, and I'll turn this car right around. You don't have to go through with this. I'll even give you the money you'll lose by not going through with this."

Mom's got a hopeful expression on her face, but I'm just a really headstrong person. "No, let's head on in ... see what it's all about. Besides, I have to take a leak."

With that we troop into the "skydiving place."

Turns out it was actually a very well-run organization. Looks can be deceiving, I guess.

After filling out waivers ... something I had never done before ... "Experimental? What the hell is this experimental shit?"

... And signing my life away ...

"Strong Exemption?" Yeah, make sure you use the strong equipment ... I'm not a lightweight, you know."

... I'm finally escorted into the classroom to watch a video.

The folks are anxious to see it. At first I am too ... until I realize that it's just a boring legal affair ... droning on about how I could die ... complete with visuals of an ambulance pulling away from the dz ... and some guy with a long flowing beard talking about how "there's no such thing as a perfect parachute." I'm practically snoring by this point and mom had to jab me in the ribs when the good stuff came on. "Wake up, Rita ... they're jumping out of the airplane now." This is what my instructor hears as he walks in the room to begin my ground training. Somehow I don't think he was too amused. :(

And here I just thought I was going for a "ride." This didn't seem difficult at all. Just as I told my friends ... jump, fall, pull, float, land. Simple!

Not quite so simple. Two hours ... I swear to God ... of training followed. Danny, my ground instructor, is gonna work with me on basic freefall skills. He straps this funny looking mod watch to my wrist and a ripcord contraption around my ample waist. He's gonna teach me how to pull my ripcord. So help me God, I was actually bored by this whole routine. "What idiot can't figure out how to pull a ripcord?" I'm thinking. Little did I know that I was the model idiot in this case.

After about four tries ... including one where I flung the thing a good ten yards across the room, where it bounced off the far wall, and came rolling to a stop practically at my feet, I was declared ready to skydive! Whooppie!

Another instructor walks in just as we're finishing up. He introduces himself as Willie and tells me that he's the guy who I'll actually be strapped to during this little adventure. Looking from the first guy to this new one ... my eyes start to light up. I'm learning fast. Danny is nice, but Willie is cute ... and big. Ummmmm, this might actually be a switch for the best even though I had sort of grown attached to Danny ... comfortable with the thought of entrusting my fragile life to his capable hands.

Willie picks up this huge thing and drops it at my feet. "This is our aircraft," he informs me, and he wants to show me in detail how it works. Terrible to say, but I couldn't have cared less. "Will it open, and what do we do if it doesn't?" were my only concerns.

" ... and this is the onboard computer," Willie points out. "In the event neither one of us pull the handle, this little dohookey will make sure we get a functional parachute over our heads." Ummmmm ... "But don't worry," he adds ... "We'll open our own parachute."

"No shit? A computer? Well, shit then ... why don't we just enjoy the view and let the computer do the work?" Poor Willie. He started sputtering ... and I think he almost choked. But I was deadly

serious. Oh, dear ... I had a lot to learn here. Danny had this smile on his face. Frankly, I think he was happy to have another student on this day.

Willie thinks I need some more training. He's probably right. He takes me outside for exit practice ... on a wooden mock-up. Oh, dear. My troubles aren't over for this day. I almost fall off the damned thing on one attempt, stepped right on Willie's hand during another, and wedge a nice big splinter in my ass on the third. Enough of this practice shit. I was ready to just do the damned jump before I got myself ... or Willie killed. I think his thoughts were running along the same lines by this point. He goes in to check on airplane

schedules while I walk over to my parents to make sure they are having a good time. I needn't have bothered. They were having a blast by this point. Hell, they hadn't had entertainment like this in years!

"Do I look fat in this jumpsuit?" I asked my mother.

Frankly I was pissed. The pretty blue one with the Nasa logo didn't fit. :(

It's time to go to the airport. Oh, goody. Willie comes back out and helps me into this harness contraption. I'll wear this for the short ride to the airfield. It's not too uncomfortable. At least I don't have to wear that huge parachute that Willie's slinging over his shoulder.

The ride to the airport is amazingly short, and interestingly enough, I honestly wasn't scared. I had met another jump student ... doing something called AFF ... and he was gonna get to jump by himself; that is, he wouldn't be attached to anyone.

"Man, you must really know your shit for them to allow you to do that," I stated. "Do you do them neato circle things in the sky too?" I asked.

Danny just shook his head while my newfound friend tried to come up with an answer that wouldn't be too much on the bullshit side.

All too soon, we're boarding this tiny aircraft ... so tiny, in fact, that I couldn't believe we were all getting into the same one. As I'm beginning to climb in, I'm thinking that there must be some mistake here. Danny and his student must be going in another plane.

I notice the pilot sitting in front as I crawl into my position behind his seat. Holy shit! He's wearing a parachute too! Before I even thought about the stupidity spewing from my mouth, I exclaim "Wow! He gets to jump with us?" Oh, dear. The other student, just starting to climb in promptly falls off the step. He's literally pissing himself. Danny has to jerk him back up by the scruff of his neck. Willie has the good grace not to laugh.

Without further incident we finally get our happy foursome airborne. I was getting the distinct impression I was the inflight show. No sooner one bit of stupidity came out of my mouth, another seemed to follow. I'm playing with the altimeter now. "You know, this looks just like the mod watches I used to wear when I was a teenager," I informed my instructors (like they particularly cared) ...

Mercifully, the 25 minute ride to 12,500' went rather quickly. I amused myself in a fascinating examination of clouds and their unique formations. Never did I realize that every cloud had its own

typography. I spotted rivers and forests ... lava flows of milky white inside of a cotton candy shell. I was floored! Clouds took on a whole new meaning ... an almost spiritual one. I was truly moved ... the beauty displayed before me brought tears to my eyes. I truly felt closer to God than I had ever felt before. Fear was the last thing on my mind. Surely nothing bad can happen in such a place as this?

My reverie was interrupted by a request to get up on my knees and turn around. Willie wanted to hook our harnesses together. We were almost at something called "altitude." "How does he know that?" I wondered. Of course, it never dawned on me that he just checks the little mod watch on his wrist. :(

"Oh, yeah ... the needle's not in that red area anymore" I exclaimed when Willie "enlightened" me as to the source of his wisdom. What amazing discoveries I was making this day! The other student was having difficulty keeping a straight face.

Once tightly secured to Willie in this cramped cold aircraft, I began to feel the first icicles of fear slowly fingering their way down my back. I wasn't prepared for fear ... somehow I never even considered the possibility that I might not be able to do this. Oh, shit! What the f*ck am I doing here? Christ, I don't wanna die today.

I can feel myself shivering as Willie is rubbing his hands up and down my arms in an attempt to keep me warm. He assures me that it won't be much longer, and we'll soon be out of here ... flying free.

Danny is gonna open the door now. He warns me that it's gonna get very, very noisy ... and, if possible, even colder than it is now. Oh, shit.

A veritable tornado racks my body as the winds of hell take hold of me. "Oh, Jesus!" I screamed. "The dweeb" has this self-satisfied look on his face. He seems to be enjoying my discomfort. I wanna just reach over and smack that silly grin right off his face.

Danny sticks his head out the door. I can't imagine what the hell he's doing out there. Oh, man, I hope he's not puking ... he's liable to send it all spewing back in here. I had never heard the term

"spotting" before.

Danny pulls his head back in and I try to put as much space between myself and him as possible. He looks at "the dweeb" and nods his head. Before I knew what was happening, "the dweeb," planted both feet on the step, and lunged himself out the door. He misjudged his head room, though. Good thing he was wearing a helmet as he slammed his noggin, but good, on the way out.

I can't help it. I'm a bitch. I just burst out laughing as Danny smiled ... and then took off in pursuit of his bumbling student.

This plane, once so cramped, was awfully roomy now. I could have stayed in here all day. But Willie was having none of that shit. Persistently, he's coaxing me to this edge of this windy abyss. Almost in a trance, I'm willingly complying. Before I know it ... kneeling on one knee, the other foot on the step, I'm poised for exit. Amazingly, the wind ... so terrifying moments before, has turned into a gentle breeze, and the fear ... bubbling to the surface mere minutes ago, has all but disappeared. After making me take a few nice deep breaths, Willie told me to launch our spaceship!

I can distinctly remember the feeling of my right foot pushing off the step ... and my body being freed of its bond with gravity. I was flying ... probably barely competently ... but I was free ... I was a bird, an eagle, a hawk ... one with the wind ... one with God.

It seemed almost an instant as I marveled at new discoveries ... each more amazing than the last ... how those little black ribbons were roads ... the same roads that cars travel on each and every day ... and how the fields are so organized ... perfect in their symmetry ... little blocks ... a light green one there ... a darker brown patch there ... perfect squares, as though someone had made a quilt out of the countryside and laid it out for my viewing pleasure.

All too soon I feel a tap on my right leg. "What the hell do you want?" I wanted to ask. "Can't you let me have my fun in peace?" Then it dawns on me ... "no! He wants to pull already?" I extend my forefinger ... as though to say, "can't you just give me one more minute here?" A more forceful tap on the leg, and a big gloved hand moving towards the orange handle at my right hip, provides the answer.

"Oh, alright ... damned you ... I'll pull the friggin handle."

As Willie and I pull it together, the roar of the mighty wind is replaced by a gentle tug ... as we rock in peaceful quiet above lush rolling hills.

"Yeah! It opened!" I exclaimed.

"You didn't think it would?" was Willie's response.

"Well ... no sense counting one's chickens before they hatch, right?" :)

Poor guy. He wasn't done dealing with my stupidity yet this day. I was making him earn whatever sheckles he was getting for this tandem ride. :)

Amzingly, though, I kept my foot out of my mouth for the rest of this day ... as I was blown away by the beauty below my feet. We pull this string and our spaceship makes a sweeping turn taking in rolling hills ... covering entire fields of grazing horses in a fleeting instant. Turn this way, and we can see the silos of a nearby farm to the west. The people! My god, they look so small ... as I can see the people down on the airfield awaiting our landing. Never before did I realize how insignificant one's triffling existence could be ... when compared with the backdrop of the schematic of life. This little adventure taught me quite a bit ... very little of it having to do with skydiving at all.

Two little figures ... under two tiny parachutes ... make contact with mother earth far below us. One tiny figure gently steps off a column of air, gracefully making contact with the earth below. The other, not so gracefully, winds up flat on his ass. I was pretty sure who was who, and was pretty confident I could show him a thing or two about graceful landings.

Yeah, right ...

All too soon, Willie and I are on what he called "final."

"Lift your legs up and let me land first," he advises.

My timing must have been off, though, because my leg came down just a second before his ... oh, well ... first ass plant. I had no idea it was a beer offense. I was too blown away to even care. I was forever changed ... I knew that. I would never be the same person again ... never have the same outlook on life ... never care quite as much about those things that were of life and death importance to me before ... things like writing reports and going to meetings and worrying if this thing or that thing got done at a certain time, or five minutes later. Life was bigger than that now. I had experienced something so much bigger than me. I had opened my eyes, my heart, my mind to something totally new ... and so unique ... and had been rewarded a thousand times over ... with beauty a thousand times greater than I ever knew existed on this plane.

My ass was no sooner on the ground than I knew that there was no way this was gonna be a "one shot" thrill. This was for real ... this was for keeps.

The road since hasn't been easy ... and I have a feeling the road ahead will still have many boulders strew across it. But, for as long as I am me, I will scale them ... because the rewards of doing so are far too great to pass up.

As the two instructors gathered up the huge tandem parachute for transport back to the skydiving school, "the dweeb" walked over to me. In a friendly manner, he asked me how I enjoyed my first skydive. "Did you remember everything your instructor told you to do?" he added.

I couldn't even put into words how I felt. All I could do was shake my head dumbly. "Yes, I think I managed to do okay ... I don't think I forgot anything." A look at Willie confirmed that, yes, I had done fine.

"But wait ... yeah, one thing I did forget to do."

"The dweeb" looked at my questioningly.

"This here mod watch thing ... the alti whatever ... I totally forgot I was even wearing it. Didn't give it so much as a second glance." Totally pleased with myself, and feeling like I had just had the world's greatest skydive, I added ... "Guess it didn't matter much, though ... the skydive went great!"

Poor "dweeb" ... he damned near choked.

The instructors just smiled.

And poor me ... I had no idea anything had gone less than perfectly.

Oh, well ... I had a lot to learn, huh?

Blue skies!

--rita